Thanks to Tumblr I have learned a thousand and one insightful things about life. The addition of Pinterest has only made it even easier for me to gain access to witty and profound statements, save them to be pondered. Re-reading them in an attempt to appease my heart of whatever stress I am under at the moment. One that has managed to pop up on my TL recently has been “don’t sweat the small stuff” or at least some paraphrased version of it. Well, I am sweating.     

   Interestingly enough, I read a little quote (on Pinterest, I am now addicted. Sue me) about the size of a man being proportional to the size of things that bothered him. I am troubled by the possibility of my dreams never reaching actualization. I am concerned about the beyond. I ponder if heaven is anything as I have read in Randy Alcorn novels, and more importantly, I wonder what route will take me to the sky. I wonder how I will die. Cue the gasps and fingers snapping to rebuke it.

   It’s sad but the thought has come into my peripheral recently, and I have been unable to shake it. In a perfect world, my death would not be coming into question till my body refuses to carry me but what do you do when this world takes souls out of healthy bodies? People my age and younger are dying. It is easy to dissociate from the stories you hear in the grapevines, but it ‘s hard to do so when you knew the soul. The idea that this person will never make you scream their name in exasperation. You will never hear their voice on the other end of the phone call. It tires you. You see your youth fleeting. I was not prepared for the evil of Earth.  

   In light of Manchester, my fear has once again risen to the surface about to spew from my mouth. My head is full of what ifs. What if I don’t make it to twenty? What if I die in a terrorist attack, get captured by terrorists or end up the victim of a hate crime? My heart does a little quiver when I leave the house; I double check all locks when I’m in the house. It sounds like deranged behavior and to be honest, it is. But when you have hopes and dreams bigger than yourself, you guard them. With your life. And you sit and stew.

   I am angry that I am scared. My fury mixes with heartbreak as my innocence high tails back to Disneyland. I am upset that the situations beyond my control outweigh the decisions I can make.

So, for now, I will sweat the small stuff, I will worry if my hair is too frizzy and if my shirt is ironed. I will obsess over my highlight reaching “glazed donut’ standards. I will sweat the small stuff because my heart cannot take the big ones.

Till the next rant, it is 3:20 am. I have to be up at 6:45 am.




New Year…New Lessons?

`         new lessons  Hello people of the internet. One month of the new year just flashed by. By now, a large number of you would have forgotten about the resolutions you spouted to yourself at the beginning of the year. But do not fear, you will remember them in April and console yourself that it is not too late to start afresh. Then somewhere in September you will realize that you have slacked once again, and will then begin a frantic race to do some damage control. I know the signs of this disease, I wish you well.

Well, I started off the New Year quite depressed and in a bevy of tears. For the past few weeks, I have had to actively pull myself from under the ground. Some days I fail and others I get a bit better but it’s being hard. Not vying for pity (I hate pity) but an explanation for the absent posts. Sorry guys!

So, I thought I might as well share a few things I’ve learnt over the years. I turned eighteen and think I have uncovered the mystery of life. Bear with me, as I spout some nonsense…or not J

  1. If you thought that the minute it was New Year, you got all the powers of Spiderman, superman, and Thor, you are in for a ruddeeee awakening. Life isn’t going to work out like that. Bad things happen fast, good things take a while.


  1. Don’t think that the minute you started minding your own business, everybody will mind theirs. Did you think that the topic of conversation had moved to Donald Trump’s hair? No honey, they are minding your business and would have called more of their friends. Be careful.


  1. Karma is a probably the most overworked woman in existence. So, don’t chill, keeping yourself in close proximity to the person who did you, waiting for her to strike. She may not get to your person in time, and she is so tired she may forget to call you when you she is at work. Please, move on.


  1. In every altercation, you are at least 50% wrong. Focus on your part. It is not your lifes’ calling to take the speck out of the other person’s eye. Deal with your log first.


  1. Vanity and pride will take you places fast, and will bring you down faster.


  1. You are not going to tell your children stories about the years you spent working to move up the ladder at work. If you do that, shame on you! For boring those poor kids. Enjoy life, breathe and stop to smell the goddamn roses.


Well, that’s all I have to say for now… I hope there was some semblance of sense in it. Well, till the next rant. Good Night.